Rate my Magic Deck and tell what to change.?

You definitely need more lands, as you have 5 mana spells and 16 land, for starters. It's always better to be mana flooded than mana screwed. Next, you've got 5 artifacts that will likely die. Very likely die, in fact. Elixer you have to sacrifice to use, and clone shell, well, the point of him IS to die and give you something cool. You probably want some decent equipment, like strata scythe or darksteel axe for your liches, and maybe even get more liches. Gatekeeper of malakir is a really good vampire, so if you can get your hands on him, do so. Also, you want more doom blades, maybe cut the unholy stregnths for them, as doom blades are usually more useful than +2/+1.